Thursday, March 18, 2010

Questions about Sean

Quentin wasn’t going to get away with what he did to me like a lot of rapist do because of technicalities.  I had to think positive.  He was sinking his own ship and that was going to work in the publics favor including mine.  He would never be able to hurt another woman.  I was going to see to it.
Officer Moses and Terry were doing there job and doing it well.  Another thing on my side is that they caught him in the act, per say, so that helped my case even more.
“He isn’t going to walk,” they assured me.
“Thank you.”
They excused themselves and left the precinct. Now what? Just as I was about to leave, I walked right into Sean literally.
“Hi,” she said grabbing me so I didn’t fall.
“Oh, hi.”
She released my arms and I stepped back.  She had her hair out of the usual ponytail and was wearing her uniform. She looked very attractive as always.
“One of the officers had a heart attack but the other van took him to the hospital.”
“Oh okay.”
“I’m about to get off.”
I didn’t know what to say.  Why did I feel so awkward around this woman? Maybe because she had seen me in my most vulnerable state. Maybe because she was so nice to me. Maybe because she showed genuine interest after the… Maybe crap!  I had no clue why I felt so damn nervous.
“I was going to call you later and check on you. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I came down here to get an update on the letter that was sent.”
“Oh right.  Was it taken care of,” she asked concerned again.
“Yes, they did. He can’t write anyone now.”
That’s good she said folding her arms.
“And how has your morning been?”
“Fine. I took a client to breakfast.”
I started to relax.  She was very easy to talk to.
“I was about to get something to eat across the street. Want to join me? Do you have something to do? You have time?”
“I um…I was just going to go home…nothing else to do. I just ate though so maybe some other time,” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“Okay that’s cool.”
I turned around to leave.  I really didn’t know what I was going to do I just knew that I needed to get out that police station but wasn’t quite sure I wanted to go home either.  I could feel her watching me.
I turned around and caught her smiling. 
“Sure I’ll join you. I could use another cup of coffee.”
“Okay great. Let me change my clothes.  Ten minutes.”
She rushed off down the stairs to where I assumed the lockers were. What else could be down there?
The hospital was connected to the police station so maybe that was the paramedics’ area. Why was I thinking about that? I felt silly.
Exactly ten minutes later she saw Sean running up the stairs with blue jeans, a white tee shirt and fresh timberlands.  She looked nice, in a boyish kinda way.
“Yea of course.”
I followed her to a diner across the street that had no name or at least I couldn’t read the name on the sign outside because it was so old.
She pulled out a seat for me and we sat down.  I knew I was blushing because I never had a woman pull out my seat for me before. 
“I’m sorry. It’s a habit.  I do it for my mother.”
I laughed a little.
“It’s okay.  I was just surprised.”
A young lady who obviously knew Sean took our orders cheesing in Sean’s face the whole time.  I chose to ignore it but it was hard to when every time the girl came to the damn table she was breaking her jaw smiling.  She almost threw my coffee in my lap paying attention to Sean so much.  Wow! This was starting to become comical.
“I see you have an admirer.”
Sean laughed.  “Admirer but not admired.”
We both laughed. 
We looked at each other for a moment before I broke the silence to sip my coffee.
“How was your morning? Did I ask that already?”
I smiled putting my cup down that was half empty already.
“Yes you did but its okay.  I had an interesting morning.”
“Oh really? What made it interesting?”
“My client, Denise, told me today that she thinks she’s gay.  She is only fifteen!”
Sean laughed.  “Well kids these days seem to know much quicker than the adults these days.”
I smiled.
“I guess…,” not fully convinced.
“And what was your response,” she asked giving me her full attention.
“I let her talk. I didn’t say much. She said that boys were horrible and pointed out what happened to me.”
“I simply told her that all boys weren’t horrible,” I laughed nervously.  I wasn’t sure how this conversation was going.  I wasn’t fully sure what her sexuality was though the waitress gave me a serious clue.
“Well that is true. Not all boys are horrible,” she said sitting up straight.  “So I guess that wasn’t a bad answer.”
“I hope not cause I had no idea really what to say.”
“Well if you ever need help talking to her about it, let me know.  I am a counselor at the youth center and I head the LGBT group.”
“The what?”
She laughed, visibly amused.
“The group that deals with teens who are gay, bisexual or still trying to figure it out.”
“Oh,” now I knew or did I.
“So um, are you…uh…one of those?”
She laughed again leaning into to whisper.  
“Yes I am a lesbian.”
“Okay, how long? How did you know that you were?” 
I really wanted the answers to this question because I wanted to help Denise if she needed it.  I also wanted to know why this beautiful woman decided not to be with men.  She was attractive, smart, sexy, and successful. Any man would want her. Hell, I guess any woman that was gay would too!
“Well I knew in high school for sure.  I was a late bloomer when it came to being attracted to either sex. My family had a lot going on and I just didn’t have time to think about boys or even girls for my sake.  Once I got into high school that changed.  My parents had separated a few times but I guess it got old so we were a little more stable and I started socializing more and I never was attracted to boys.  I thought they were immature.  My mom said that was normal for a girl to think guys were immature and actually said she still thought they were but it was different for me.  I just wasn’t interested.  I finally found a guy I did like but only because we had a lot in common.  He tried to kiss me and I let him.  I got nothing out of it.  That was my junior year.  I was always attracted to my girlfriends though and one day my best friend asked me if she could kiss me. I let her and I liked it. I’ve been gay ever since!”
I laughed more out of shock then anything.
“So you have never been with a man?!”
“I tried it once in college but didn’t really get anything out of it but losing my virginity.”
I put my chin in my hands and looked at her.  I wandered what it was like to be with a woman but quickly dismissed it.  Sex was the last thing on my agenda right now.
“You’re quiet.  Are you okay? Too much information,” she laughed nervously.
“No, I just… I… I don’t know.”
I honestly did not know what I was feeling.
“That’s normal,” she laughed again sitting back and observing me.
“So lets talk about you.”
I sat up straight.
“What do you want to know?”
“Before all this happened were you gay,” she joked.
That broke the ice. I laughed until my stomach hurt.  I needed that.
Once I was able to talk, I patted her hand.
“Nowhere close.”

I walked Sean back to her car and she promised to call me later.  I was actually looking forward to it.  She was so easy to talk to and I trusted her.  She wasn’t a man, which I didn’t want to be around right now besides my father and she wasn’t my family or Jessica treating me like a wounded bird.

1 comment:

  1. Great Post! you've got me looking forward to the next post